Expecting Insanity
In two months' time, I'll be 19 years away from going mad. It's a disease that breeds true in the males of our clan. By the time we're 40 or so, we start making irrational decisions, make great efforts to satisfy the most ridiculous whims, forsake all of our friends, and leave our wife and take an ugly prostitute for a concubine and leave our family in the ditch.
I also fear that this madness deteriorates from generation to generation. I'll simplify by referring to myself as the third generation. The first generation wasn't so bad I suppose. After all, my grandparents were still together at the time of their deaths. So is their sisters and brothers. Yes, the males had their share of debauchery, the fact that they stayed with their wives till the end is commendable at the least. An uncle of mine, the eldest of their brood, suffered the madness as well. His eldest and youngest offsprings were of different mothers. His legal family, trapped in the middle. But in the last years of his life, even when the businesses cannot be rebuilt, and he never got the chance to reclaim his former wealth, he at least died with the love of his own family. He returned. And he left happy.
I wouldn't be so sure about his brothers. After all, he was considered the most intelligent of their pack. The younger two absolutely went wild after the deaths of their parents. Apparently the single strand that held our family together was their unspoken power. And with their deaths it was gone. The revered house abruptly crumbled to an imitation of hell. The once laughter-filled halls now only echo the sorrow of their youngest sister, and perhaps the grief of our grandparents for their stray sons.
Their only sister never got the chance to experience life to the fullest, to have a career, to have a family of her own. While she babysat every single one of her brothers' legal children, she never held one of her own. She hovered by her parents' deathbeds, while her brothers "lived their lives." Now she sits alone, while foul-mouthed prostitutes play Queens at the once respected household.
What if the madness that will take over me, my brothers and cousins be much worse? Sadly enough, save for a cousin in Canada, we're all males, all susceptible to the insanity. Two brothers are in the US, another two in Bacolod, one in Bulacan, and another though practically near, too young. We've tried diplomacy, but how can you talk a madman to sanity? We've tried compromise, but one-sided sacrifice can never be called such. What can be done when we're not willing to take the lives of worthless prostitutes? Or when we're too tender-hearted to wish for the death of our own blood?
They (the brothers) say, that it couldn't be helped. That we also have our faults. My uncle even told me that when I get married, I'll understand. So does that mean every man is an irresponsible slob incapable of monogamy? Or was it just the madness taking over? Yes, it is true that there are faults to each side, but does that justify everything?
The solution can only come in the form of a divine intervention, a genuine miracle. It'll have to break the rule regarding free will. Me, I'm left with a choice, did my father and my uncle suffer madness? Or is it true that love potions and spells actually work. I'd like to believe the mystic path, for I see no reason why a perfectly sane man, would take an ugly, foul-mouthed prostitute, to replace their educated wives.
This is why I envy "angsty" teenagers. They feel so oppressed when they don't get to express themselves, when their parents don't notice them, when they feel so "MISUNDAZTOOD." Someday I'd like to create a situation I can bitch about. Like, buy a skintight pair of leather pants and then worry about what people might say. Worrying about problems wherein you actually know that the solution is simply stop worrying about it since it's not a worrisome thing anyway is possibly bliss.
I also fear that this madness deteriorates from generation to generation. I'll simplify by referring to myself as the third generation. The first generation wasn't so bad I suppose. After all, my grandparents were still together at the time of their deaths. So is their sisters and brothers. Yes, the males had their share of debauchery, the fact that they stayed with their wives till the end is commendable at the least. An uncle of mine, the eldest of their brood, suffered the madness as well. His eldest and youngest offsprings were of different mothers. His legal family, trapped in the middle. But in the last years of his life, even when the businesses cannot be rebuilt, and he never got the chance to reclaim his former wealth, he at least died with the love of his own family. He returned. And he left happy.
I wouldn't be so sure about his brothers. After all, he was considered the most intelligent of their pack. The younger two absolutely went wild after the deaths of their parents. Apparently the single strand that held our family together was their unspoken power. And with their deaths it was gone. The revered house abruptly crumbled to an imitation of hell. The once laughter-filled halls now only echo the sorrow of their youngest sister, and perhaps the grief of our grandparents for their stray sons.
Their only sister never got the chance to experience life to the fullest, to have a career, to have a family of her own. While she babysat every single one of her brothers' legal children, she never held one of her own. She hovered by her parents' deathbeds, while her brothers "lived their lives." Now she sits alone, while foul-mouthed prostitutes play Queens at the once respected household.
What if the madness that will take over me, my brothers and cousins be much worse? Sadly enough, save for a cousin in Canada, we're all males, all susceptible to the insanity. Two brothers are in the US, another two in Bacolod, one in Bulacan, and another though practically near, too young. We've tried diplomacy, but how can you talk a madman to sanity? We've tried compromise, but one-sided sacrifice can never be called such. What can be done when we're not willing to take the lives of worthless prostitutes? Or when we're too tender-hearted to wish for the death of our own blood?
They (the brothers) say, that it couldn't be helped. That we also have our faults. My uncle even told me that when I get married, I'll understand. So does that mean every man is an irresponsible slob incapable of monogamy? Or was it just the madness taking over? Yes, it is true that there are faults to each side, but does that justify everything?
The solution can only come in the form of a divine intervention, a genuine miracle. It'll have to break the rule regarding free will. Me, I'm left with a choice, did my father and my uncle suffer madness? Or is it true that love potions and spells actually work. I'd like to believe the mystic path, for I see no reason why a perfectly sane man, would take an ugly, foul-mouthed prostitute, to replace their educated wives.
This is why I envy "angsty" teenagers. They feel so oppressed when they don't get to express themselves, when their parents don't notice them, when they feel so "MISUNDAZTOOD." Someday I'd like to create a situation I can bitch about. Like, buy a skintight pair of leather pants and then worry about what people might say. Worrying about problems wherein you actually know that the solution is simply stop worrying about it since it's not a worrisome thing anyway is possibly bliss.
posted by Ban at 11:40 AM
0 comments
